The weekend is over; tomorrow is the start of a new week. Lets see if I can keep my sh*t together for another week. I am feeling alright, right now, but I think that by 8 tomorrow things will probably be very different. Its funny how our jobs overtake us and rule our lives. For me, I need my job to pay the bills that allow me to live as I do. But I often think of "chucking it all in", running away, starting over; maybe somewhere else, like Costa Rica, somewhere that is not here. I know its not the answer, but is this all there is... work, work, work, bills, an all to short weekend and then more work. There doesn't seem to be much point, does there?

I'm reminded of Ecclesiastes < Meaningless! Meaningless! Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless. > I find this a very interesting book, one of my most read. I'm really not sure of its intent, its supposed to turn us to God. But It always leaves me wondering, Why? I guess I'm missing something. The book concludes by saying < fear God and keep His commandments... for God will bring every deed into judgement >. Wow, thats comforting (not, what about right now? how long do we wait for this judgement); I think the teacher had it right when he said < This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.>

I'm sure that my comments will offend someone but... blind faith, what kinda crap is that? If i can't question, and expect a rational answer... Then what? Isn't that how the radicals are born 'ask no questions, just strap this explosive to your chest...' Well not me. I will continue to ask questions, even though I'm not getting an answer. I will not just accept blindly.

I think I've said enough for now. (if God is all He is made out to be, then maybe He will chat with me before my next post.)

Time, gentlemen, please.

Mulligan

I have been struggling with what to write.

This last week or so has messed me up, inside (full of turmoil that I can't explain). Some days I wonder how I got this far in life. I have made some huge blunders; spoken when I should have listened, acted when I should have observed, stayed put when I should have ran away.

I wonder why can't I just put my head down, do my work, collect my pay, and go home? Is it human nature or just "my" nature to never be satisfied? always "putting my oar in". Will I ever <...learn to be content whatever the circumstances> (Php 4:11)?

Have a look at "United Here". I was just re-reading some of her posts. What stood out was the 'gratitude to 1000'. I was blessed. Thanks Carin.

I'm thinking it would be a powerful exercise to keep a Gratitude journal. I might just be able to come up with one thing every day. Today I would start with Duane & Carin, what an inspiration, thanks, keep it up!

I have an awesome partner, who is there for me, even when my mind is somewhere else, Thanks, Edie;

...I guess I have two things to put in my gratitude journal today.

I would encourage those who read my blog to comment, I do enjoy the feedback.

Time, gentlemen, please!

Who am I?

If a stranger, say an alien was to ask such a question, how would I answer? I could say I'm a man. But that doesn't mean much except in this species I don't bear children. I could say I'm an electrician. That's my profession. Does my job define who I am?

My family, friends, pets... or, how I dress, what I eat, where I live,

My Faith?

Thats almost funny, faith. What does that mean?

I'm a backsliden, born again christian. (I went down that road for a while, got hurt and deceived. Burned bad.) I will probably never be able to call myself a christian because of many things that I don't agree with that is associated with Christendom. (sorry, I am digressing) My belief system is... it is complicated! Not what someone else tells me, its mine!

To get back to the question, do my "likes" (or dislikes) make me who I am?

I have to say yes. All the above, and more. It all makes me who I am. Everything. Education, experience, acquaintances, it all makes me who I am.

I'm still unable to answer the stranger (alien).

I think harder and what comes to mind,

"I want to do good, but I find myself doing the very wrong I want to avoid." (my paraphrase from Romans 7)

So, this who I am? A fu*ked up! An individual who is battling with himself all the time and never winning? How can you win a fight with yourself? I don't think you can. But I keep on... what to tell the stranger?

Who am I? It is so difficult to find an answer.

Who am I, who am I, who am I. Its haunting, not having an answer to this question. It seems important to have an answer... who am I?

I could answer by saying who I am not.

But that seems a cop out.

I am me.

Yes, I am ME!

With all my flaws and failings, all of it. I am me. Not you, or you, or him or her... I am me. I have strengths and weaknesses, thoughts and feelings. I love, care, worry and hate; (some days all at the same time).

Yes, I have my answer for the stranger.

I am ME!

New Year

Hello, It has been a while since I posted. No apologies, life is busy!

I had a nice Christmas, went to my uncles for dinner... sooo gourmet, always is when auntie Pam is cooking. It was nice to spend a bit of time with family I don't see much, from a place that's name says it all Cold Lake. How does one come up with a name like that?... burr its COLD! by this Lake. Who would choose to live there? Certainly not me. Anyway, it was a wonderful time, wine, food and visiting, very relaxing compared to "the dark side".

New Years eve was spent at the Fox & Hounds.

It also was a great time in its own way. As I've said before, good food (I even had a real christmas pud), good beer, enjoyed with friends and family. My mom even surprised us by catching a ride with my brother. There was a hint that she was interested in coming but no confirmation ahead of time. I believe that everyone enjoyed themselves. Well, maybe mother-in-law wasn't so keen on... anything come to think of it. Possibly she liked the fish soup but that was all; she certainly didn't enjoy her desert.

Edie bought a new car, a 1987 Jag XJ-6. It is in fair shape but will require a ton of work to get it in "A-1" shape to qualify for collector plates in 2 years. It is a very luxurious car and I look forward to driving it sometime (if she will let me).

The good thing with this car is it could tow a small trailer (RV). Which would be a good thing if we are going back to Saskatoon for a visit. It means our dogs could come with us. They would be so sad to be left with a sitter.

Well, to sum up; mom-in-law has gone home, the stupid holiday season is over, and now back to reality... bills, bills, and leaky roof (more bills). At least we have our cars to enjoy, oh yeh, more bills.

Time gentlemen, Please!